It’s the start of a new year, so chances are you have put up a new calendar somewhere in your home that has a different picture for each month. Cheapskates like me may have noticed that classy-looking calendars often cost $12 or more, which can translate to $1 or more per page. Sure, there are calendars at Dollar Tree or Target that are as cheap as a buck, but let’s be fair: these are awful, ugly, and cheaply-made. Inexpensive calendars usually aim for the lamentably narrow range between “landscapes” and “cute animals” (leading also to the obvious combination of “animals in landscapes”). They tell you the days of the month, of course, but they don’t make any statement or add much to the room.
Here’s my suggestion: Buy a cheap calendar and a pack of markers and doodle your way through the pages until you’ve produced something entertaining (no art skills required). I’ve “improved” a calendar as a Christmas gift for my brother two years running now. These make hilarious gifts for anyone who shares your sense of humor. I’ve included a few months from this year’s evil calendar below.
My inner child still has a gruesome imagination, so I found the most sickly-sweet calendar available, “Little Suzy’s Zoo,” and gave it more a macabre theme.
The permanent markers I used made such intense marks that they were visible on the reverse side of each page. Not to worry: The calendar was only $1 at Target, so I bought two and glued the calendar sheets from the unmarked copy onto the backs of my drawings to make one fully-functional calendar.
I suppose you could modify a calendar without being gory and disturbing, but what’s the fun in that?